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Thoughts on Attachment, and thoughts on avoiding it - Mark Atwood — LiveJournal
fallenpegasus
fallenpegasus
Thoughts on Attachment, and thoughts on avoiding it
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chaosdancer From: chaosdancer Date: June 11th, 2009 12:49 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't know. I mean, considering the amount of time we're alive as opposed to all the rest of time, our time of life is so minuscule that when you consider the really big picture, it's like we're not alive at all. But I sure feel alive. It's not like my life is already over, when I awaken and move around and shower and walk and do all the rest of those lifey things. There was a time when I was living more from the perspective of one who'd already died, and it really sucked. I've decided that if you're going to pay to go to Disneyland, you may as well go on the rides, even if the lines are a pain in the ass and everything is overpriced.

That said, I can sort of understand what they mean by that attachment thing. I talked to Corvus about that the other day. We were talking about re-establishing a relationship and I said I wasn't sure that would be a good idea, but if we were to do that, now would be a good time because I had stopped missing him. I figured out a while ago that when in love, I tend to create an image of the other person in my mind and that's really what I'm in love with. Sometimes that image is very accurate and the relationship is correspondingly pretty healthy, and sometimes it's not very accurate at all. The attachment our simulacrums formed between themselves was already broken at the moment we created it. That's the nature of a lot of attachment in this world.

To some extent we have to do that. Another person's soul contains a whole other universe, and it's very hard for us to take all of that in. We have to make each other into something we can comprehend. Our own history and baggage makes us see our image of the other person through filters as well. And they're also doing that to us, probably with the best of intentions. What we need to try to do, as difficult as it is, is to get down to bedrock and let the illusions die.

So it looks bad, but I think it can be a miracle if the death of illusion leads to an expanded, real understanding of another person. I don't know how to do that all the time, but once in a while I seem to break through, and that's awesome. I live for those moments. But it can irritate other people when you play Kosh all the time, too. :) It's good to not be "on" all the time.
awfief From: awfief Date: June 11th, 2009 11:36 am (UTC) (Link)
I figured out a while ago that when in love, I tend to create an image of the other person in my mind and that's really what I'm in love with. Sometimes that image is very accurate and the relationship is correspondingly pretty healthy, and sometimes it's not very accurate at all.

I think most people do this. Tony (my partner) and I have joked about this: in my mind, he loves pancakes. And in his mind, I love...um, nevermind. ;)

(yes, it can be a bad thing when reality != fantasy....)
hearts_treasure From: hearts_treasure Date: June 11th, 2009 11:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree. Fantasy sure is fun, but when reality hits I am always so disappointed. I think remembering what is real and what is not is key to having happiness. It is good to have a fantasy world, but don't get attached to the idea that everything will be as you imagine it to be.
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