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Mark Atwood
fallenpegasus
fallenpegasus
The Blues...
For no really good reason, I having (or maybe recovering from) a depressive crash. Not a major depressive crash, I've seen them in other people, and this wasn't that. Just instead an inward crash of alone, touch hungry, need-a-hug, need-a-massage (warm oil and strong hands).

Piano was brutal. I kept making and repeating mistakes I could barely hear, "little" things like playing a given 1/8 note as a quarter note, collapsing on my thumb, getting a given tricky rhythm repeatedly wrong, missing a rest, reaching up and down a handspan and missing the landing by a single note. And I kept making the same mistakes over and over again. Frustrating and upsetting.

chemicallace has said she is taking glassblowing, because she wanted to do something that didn't come easy to her. Well, playing music doesn't come easy to me. I have a broken sense of time and rhythm (my gratitude goes out to omahas for repeatably going out dancing with me, despite this.)

I have a fair number of warm friends and affectionate lovers in my `phone's database, but when I feel like this, it's hard to want to call any of them, it feels too revealing and imposing to want to call someone just `cause I'm feeling sad and lonely for no real reason, and even if I did, what would I talk about?

I considered just going right home and to bed, but the traffic report says that the 520 bridge is extremely congested. So I came to CapHill, and wandered around the newly opened Franklin Reservoir Park. It's a lovely park; grass, benches, big chessboards, and a really nice fountain.

For some unguessable reason, one guy in the park, a big soft-spoken weatherbeaten Native American from Montana stopped me, asked the time, and then handcrafted a handmade rose out of a long leaf. It made me feel a bit better.

Update: Thank you, chemicallace, for walking over and chatted with me into the evening. It did help a lot in cheering me up.

Current Mood: down

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Comments
tonyawinter From: tonyawinter Date: September 29th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC) (Link)
I would love it if you came by for no reason sometime. My house is easy to get to from the hill even in traffic. (Head downtown and hop on 99 to avoid the I 5 ugly.)
fallenpegasus From: fallenpegasus Date: October 1st, 2005 03:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I'll do that sometime. It's probably a good think I didn't this time, or I probably would have given you the sore throat that I came down with the next morning.
From: neocuriosity Date: September 29th, 2005 03:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Sometime when you're at Vivace give me a shout. My apartment is about 6 blocks from there. My friend Joe (you met him at the Metaphorest) does it all the time. Sometimes I'm free, sometimes I'm not, but if I am I'm all about meeting for coffee.
fallenpegasus From: fallenpegasus Date: September 29th, 2005 03:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Heh, I'm at the Vivace (the sit down one, not the sidewalk one), right now.
fallenpegasus From: fallenpegasus Date: September 29th, 2005 04:07 am (UTC) (Link)
So, are you free? :)
From: neocuriosity Date: September 29th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
You know, you'd get a faster response from me if you didn't ask me to meet you for coffee in reply to a post. I didn't see it until this morning, prob'ly better that way as now you're sick!

Next time!
jezel From: jezel Date: September 29th, 2005 06:05 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry I wasn't available for your call, babe. Gods know you've done it enough for me. Hope you get lots of lovely touches and rubs and feel better...
puzzld1 From: puzzld1 Date: September 29th, 2005 10:54 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm on the wrong coast-but I have strong hands, a massage table and oil (and a licence to use them.) Wish I could reach through the screen and help. Know the intention is there.

My daughter Molly is studying piano, and sometimes I hear her in her room when she flings the book and growls.



amythis From: amythis Date: September 29th, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just instead an inward crash of alone, touch hungry, need-a-hug, need-a-massage (warm oil and strong hands).

HarvestCon sounds like a good place for that if your mood lasts into the weekend. (Or even if it doesn't.)
9 comments or Leave a comment