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Mark Atwood
As I mentioned before, sru went down hard, late Tuesday night, just in time to bollux jatgs latest strip project. They swapped in a replacement box the next afternoon, and dumped the tarballs from their backup server onto it. Three problems. One, the last backup had been on the 10th. Two, it was a FreeBSD box. Two and a half, it was a USED FreeBSD box. Two and three quarters, FreeBSD may have a nice kernel, but hey all you BSD fans, your admin tools and startup regime SUCKS BLOODY GOAT TURDS.

So there I was, sitting in an internet cafe' trying to extract everything with BSDs slow and alien tar, and trying to get apache running my virtual hosts without either emacs or /sbin/service, and as elfs recently said, Profanity is the last refuge of the inarticulate ****fucker., I was getting pretty inarticulate and needed some verbal refuge. I did keep most of it under my breath, as I was in a public venue.

I failed to get it running, and was late for piano.

And the lesson made me feel like a moron. My teacher didn't, Mister Henry is not like that. But the syncopated rhythms of Béla Bartók just would not come out of my fingers, no matter how harshly we counted them out.

I was so looking forward to a scheduled relaxing hot water soak with SierraK afterwards, and even that was marred. A small frustration with (not) finding something in my jacket just suddenly made me melt down into a stress implosion. I could feel the blood drain out of my head, and my stomach knot and twist, and the mortification of weakness, and I just. could. not. stop. it. Resting on the cool tiles for several minutes calmed most of it away.

I had kind of planned to wire up on RedBull and go back to work, but instead I went directly home and fell right asleep at 9pm.
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docorion From: docorion Date: February 17th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)

Don't hold back, now. How do you really feel?

Also, I'm sure the frustration over the above had nothing to do with less then excellent lesson. Nope, not a thing.

*hugs* My problems had a better resolution, but I can sympathize, having had lesser problems yesterday myself.
intrepid_reason From: intrepid_reason Date: February 18th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC) (Link)
As I said on IM, I'm sorry hun, you're not alone in suffering from anxiety attacks.
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