Mark Atwood (fallenpegasus) wrote,
Mark Atwood
fallenpegasus

You Know You're From North Carolina When...
You've gotten used to the smell of cow manure on a car trip to Raleigh.

Saying "y'all" isn't just a cute expression; it actually means something.

There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every truck.

You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as landmarks.

You still see Dale Earndheart tributes on cars.

You can't imagine life without Bojangles' sweet tea

Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq and potato salad

You have a sunburn from May to October

Your 'heavy winter clothing' consists of some turtleneck sweaters, a fuzzy jacket, and your daddy's boots

Your family has fried chicken once a week

You can tell the difference between cotton fields and tobacco fields while driving

One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging on their front porch

Those "damn yankees" are taking over your school/church/workplace/neighborhood...

You've been "properly raised", and yankees love it when they hear you say "ma'am" and "sir"

You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and grits

You know the difference between a "redneck" and a "hick".

You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant shirts.

No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still "first in flight"

The Coca-Cola 600 is as big as the Super Bowl

You prefer Chick-fil-a to KFC

You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.

Every time you visit someone you’¡Çre offered something to eat and a glass of tea.

Your granddaddy always wore overalls and your grandma always wore an apron.

In summer you have home-grown tomatoes with every meal.

When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to see how high it rose.

You know that "chunk" the ball means to throw it.

You've had a burger "all the way" - chili and slaw on it.

You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops when you see one.

You have at least one relative that raises collards.

Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.

Your school classes were cancelled because of a hurricane.

You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.

You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.

You know the best BBQ is found in Lexington

You would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's

You have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to go to the pool"

You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from North Carolina.


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You Know You're From Utah When...
Green jell-o with carrots mixed in doesn't seem strange.

You can pronounce Tooele.

The U is not just a letter - Neither is the Y.

You have actually eaten funeral potatoes.

You've gotten both heat and frost burns off your car's door handle in the same month.

You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn, Fetch, Flip", "Oh, My Heck" and "Shoot".

Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.

Hunting season is a school holiday.

The largest liquor store is the state government.

You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.

30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.

Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.

You know the difference between a 'Steak House' and a 'Stake House'.

The elevation exceeds the population

You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you

You can see the stars at night

You have a bumper sticker that says "Families are Forever."

You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.

Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.

You have more children than you can find biblical names for.

Your family considers a trip to McDonald'd a night out..

Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.

You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football.

Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday.

You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.

You consider a temple recommend a credit reference.

At least two of your salad bowls are at the homes of neighbors.

You believe that you must be 18 or older to order coffee at a restaurant.

You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway.

There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots.

You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.

You negotiate prices at a garage sale.

You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.

You've heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting.

You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.

Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

A member of your family wrote in Lavell Edwards for president in the last election.

Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit.

Sandals are the best-selling shoes.

You have to ask for the uncensored version of "Titanic."

Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.

You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore.

You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.

You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth.

You're on your own if you are turning left.

Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.

People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.

There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.

The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift.

People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.

In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.

Beer drinkers don't shop on Sunday.

You don't have to breathe cigarette smoke until you walk outside a building.

The cost of living rises while your salary drops.

Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck.

When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.

Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.

Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.

"Temple recommends" is acceptable identification for cashing a check.

More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.

You've never had a Mormon missionary knock on your door.

Your neighbors complain about where they live, yet refuse to return to the state they moved from.

You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.

You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.

Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.

Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.

You and all your friends come to your mother for a haircut in her kitchen.

You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million.

You think "You're a 10 cow wife" is a compliment.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Utah.


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You Know You're From Alaska When...
"Vacation" means driving to Chitna to dip net

You measure distance in hours.

Down south to you means Anchorage.

You know several people who have hit a moose.

Your school classes aren't cancelled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of ice.

You think of the major four food groups as moose, caribou, beer, and squaw candy.

You think that moose season is a national holiday.

You know what a real sockeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

You know if another Alaskan is from the city or the village as soon as they open their mouth.

You can spell words like Chatanika, Ninilchik, and Tuntutuliak.

You've had cabin fever.

You own moose nugget ear rings.

Mosquito dope is a part of your daily attire.

You think the song Breaking Up is Hard to Do is about spring time.

Travel luggage consists of ice coolers (or fish boxes) wrapped with duct tape.

A seven course meal is a sixpack and a can of SPAM.

When you answer the phone and it's a wrong number, but you know the number of the person they were trying to call off the top of your head.

You have bigger tires on your plane than on your car.

Someone mentions "super cub" and you do not envision a tiny bear wearing blue tights and a red cap.

Your relatives/friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you, but keep asking you to come see them more often.

October is the month of your highest income.

The reason you don't own a poodle is because an eagle ate the last one.

Kids catch the bus in the dark and get off it in the dark.

You know why they named it Chicken, Alaska.

You know that road flares will start a nice bon fire.

You take the door off the outhouse to see the aurora.

Your idea of taking a load off is emptying the firewood out of the back of the truck.

You know a tail-dragger is an airplane, not a bad day at the office.

You know that a Spenard Divorce involves a .357 magnum, not a lawyer.

You like your neighbors.

You know at least one pot grower.

You put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund Dividend checks come out in October.

You know going "outside" involves a whole lot more than opening a door and walking into the yard.

You know Bunny Boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies.

You know the meaning of the word "baleen" and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes.

You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.

You don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler.

You've washed your car while there was still snow on the ground.

You know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey.

You know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device.

You learned to swim indoors.

Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil.

Your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill.

You know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos.

You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road.

Your local golf course has "happy hour" between 1:00 and 2:00 am

The seat in your outhouse is lined with styrofoam so your butt won't freeze to it when you have to sit down for a certain amount of time.

You've had to set your alarm every three hours to go start you car and let it run for 20 minutes so hopefully it will start in the morning so you can go to work.

Instead of plugging in your freezer, you've just move it to the front porch!

You open your freezer to take out something for dinner, and are faced with many choices, Pink Salmon, Silver Salmon, Red Salmon, King Salmon, Smoked Salmon, or Halibut!

You can play road hockey on skates.

You see signs saying Do or do NOT _____ but you never see any law enforcement people.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Alaska.


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You Know You're From Massachusetts When...
The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.

When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke...not quinine water.

You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre and Cotuit.

You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.

You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they're both crooks.

You know what they sell at a packie.

You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

You can actually find your way around Boston.

Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.

You know what First Night is.

You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.

You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.

You have never been to Cheers.

When the words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.

You have gone to at least one party at UMass.

The curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.

You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.

You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.

You pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime.

You know how to make a frappe.

You know that "Big Dig" is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham's.

You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.

You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape".

You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.

You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.

You're aware that there is a town, somewhere in Massachusetts, named Brimfield where they have the biggest outdoor antique market in the world.

You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.

You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.

You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.

You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language.

You've called something "wicked pissa"

You have driven to either Rhode Island, New Hampshire or Vermont for a tattoo.

You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), and Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) in the local supermarket and it doesn't phase you.

You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

Know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)

Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.

You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year round

You still try to order curly fries from Burger King

You order iced coffee in January

You know what candlepin bowling is

You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

You know what a "regular" coffee is

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.


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And finally
You Know You're From Washington When...
You know the state flower (Mildew)

You feel guilty when you don't recycle.

You use the phrase "sun break" and know what it means.

You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant. You've stood on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" Signal.

You understand that if it has no snow or has not erupted, it is not a real mountain.

You can taste the difference between Starbuck's, Seattle's Best, Veneto's, Peet's, and Tully's.

You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

You consider swimming an indoor sport.

You are well versed in the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark -- while only working eight-hour days.

You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

You've actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Washington.


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