Mark Atwood (fallenpegasus) wrote,
Mark Atwood

Another nutty political screed, this time about schools

BoonDoggle Afoot

by Norman Patterson

There is a new government boonDOGgle afoot. Can you believe the government wants compulsory dog training? Imagine having to send Fido to school.

This program has been adopted from other countries who have successfully trained dogs for years. In fact, it was so successful generations of dogs were affected. Social designers and manipulators of the USA observed and learned this method of mass dog control. They are planning to implement it here in our country.

One of the central tenants of this plan is to require you to turn your puppies over at an early and vulnerable age. It is traumatic to the young pup. This shock of being separated from its master is essential for conformity. Every year in the fall on the first day of dog-training classes owners will be seen standing on the street corners with their puppies in tow. Owners will try to prepare their young pups for this big day but alas, there will be many sad and pathetic yelps being heard as the traveling kennels roll down the street.

Some of these dogs will never recover from the trauma. This type of trauma will cause some of these dogs to revert back to their pre-paper trained days. Some will get sick, some will get listless, and some will not be able to stop yelping. What will they do for these puppies, medicate them to complacency?

In order for this program to work the dogs must spend a significant amount of time at training centers. They will be put in age-appropriate packs. In fact, their pack will become the central focus of their lives. How long before you have these pack-dependant dogs running around the neighborhoods, chasing cars, or harassing cats when they are not in these centers? I fear the social planners will use this as an excuse to get you to turn your dogs over for more and more time every year. By the time your dog finishes this program, he will be more likely to be pack dependant rather than dependent on you.

Every age-appropriate pack will have a trainer. These trainers are experts in behavior modification techniques. Puppies will be put through a series of training exercises throughout the day. They will be given rewards and punishments to further help them comply with the demands of the trainers. Before long these dogs will seek the approval and verbal affection of their trainers rather than their owners.

How would you like your puppy to be trained day after day to obey a trainer you barely know? Your influence over your puppy will diminish over time. Your dog will be taught to obey someone else. Every year there will be new trainers and new training techniques used on your poor unsuspecting pup. By the time some of these dogs finish this program they will be unruly, disobedient to their masters, and devoid of any motivation. That$(B!G(Bs all we need in this country, packs on mindless dogs.

These dog trainers want to steal the most important formative years of your puppy's life. They want to take your dog for most of the week. Not only that, they want to give training exercises when your canine is not at the training center. I ask you, if they have several hours of more training to do after they get home, when will we ever have time to enjoy our dogs. I fear by time these puppies get old enough they will want to spend what little time they have left with their pack from their training centers.

The social planners say it will be difficult initially to implement this plan. Many owners are fiercely loyal to their dogs. This is why they are trying to get laws passed requiring people to give up their pups. If they cannot get people to do it voluntarily, they will use the threat of governmental force. We will be taxed and taxed heavily for this program.

This program raises serious questions. Is it moral to take young puppies out of their homes at such early and impressionable time? Do they really need to have them for so much time? Isn't it irresponsible for owners to give over to the government what they could do either themselves or in cooperation with other dog owners? Won't these dogs become pack oriented and trainer dependant? How will they deal with packs of sexually mature dogs as they get older? Is our country able to handle the taxes it will take to pay for this?

I'm sure you have figured out by now I am joking about this boonDOGgle. The question remains, however. If our country wouldn't put up with the government doing this to our dogs, why in the world would we allow this to be done to our children?

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