Mark Atwood (fallenpegasus) wrote,
Mark Atwood

  • Mood:

Lots of unrelated things

This morning, while reloading the litter boxes, I came that close to cutting my thumb off. I was cutting open a new box of litter, and suddenly, the knife slipped. Instantly the world s l o w e d d o w n, and my left hand, which was in the way of the accelerating blade, jerked to the side, getting the hell out of the way. I shaved off about a tenth of a millimeter from the edge of my thumbnail and the side of them thumb. Not enough to bleed, just enough to itch a bit.

There is nothing to munch on. That is on purpose, because otherwise I would munch, not because I was starving, but because my mouth was bored. But it's still annoying. Part of me is annoyed at me for not providing munches, and the other part of me is annoyed at the first for wanting munches.

I've now watched the Teen Titans episode "Switched" six times. And I don't know why. It's not that great of an episode. I used to never rewatch shows, would turn off reruns if I'd already seen them.

When I clean my place, or notice some chore that needs doing, there is always a thread in my mind about how I need to get it done in case I have a guest over. Except that, with the exception of my ex, I haven't had an invited guest in my home for over a year.

The cursed laundry dryer in this building is broken. The dryer itself is fine, just the coin box seems to be jammed. I hope the managers have it fixed tomorrow. I've got a rug in the washer.

Why do I have a rug in the washer? Because every time I have all the rugs clean, some annoying cat decides it's time to throw up on one.

I had my wallet last night. I couldn't find it this morning. This evening, I spent an hour looking for it, and finally found it. Next to my chair. I coulda SWORE I had looked there. Maybe the cats are messing with me...

I can waste a lot of time using LJ's friendsfriends feature.

There is a pillow on my bed, just for Birki to sleep on. It's very comforting to wake up in the middle of the night and see her curled up on it. Even tho she wakes me up in the morning by sticking her nose in my ear and purring.

It does no good to replay past conversations with people I'm trying to impress or affect, while thinking of what I should have said or done, instead of what I did do or say. I can debrief myself, but implementing "lessons learned" takes me FOREVER. But still I replay them.

jezel said she's going to stop listening to me worry it over, because I'm never going to DO anything until I take a long time to finally do something. And she's right.

I'm the same way for anything that I can't do at my own speed. I know how my fingers mess up at the piano, but when counting out the beat, I can't keep up. I know pretty much what mistakes I make in freefall, but when the wind is screaming in my ears, I just can't think fast enough to remember all the things to do and to not do.

I don't think I'm depressed... this isn't the paralysis no-motivation of depression. It's more like the world seems very... gray. And I feel very... gray. And I've got a lot of stuff I've avoided piling up.

I get more animated around my friends. But with coworkers, and with trivial contacts (interacting with store clerks, etc), I smile and attend because merely because it's "in the script".

  • Razors

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  • Doing what needs to be done

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  • The CTO of Visa, after listening to me present

    Some years ago, I was asked to travel to the corporate meeting center to present at a presentation-fest to the CxO staff of Visa. Yes, the one with…

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